Ask The Jihadist

In response to the news that al-Qaeda Second-in-Command Ayman al-Zawahri would answer questions from the media and public, the April 28th New Yorker:

Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:

Please find attached my homemade terror video, entitled “Death to America.” In it, you will see that I brandish an AK-47, make angry facial expressions, and threaten the infidels with imminent doom. Am seeking a full- or part-time position with Al Qaeda making spooky tapes. Have own cave.

—Fingers Crossed in Peshawar

Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:

Thank you for sharing this with us. While I’m afraid your terror video does not meet our needs at the present time, we would be interested in seeing anything scary you do in the future. ...

Dear Ayman al-Zawahiri:

Does Al Qaeda ever endorse political candidates? If so, I recommend that you give a big thumbs-up to Barack Obama. I guarantee you he hates America as much as you do (if not more)! It would be great if you appeared in a bunch of TV ads and called him “the evildoing President that evildoers have been waiting for.”

—Bill in Chappaqua

Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:

Al Qaeda is only interested in American elections to the extent that we can plunge them into abject chaos. So this year, as in every other year, we are supporting Ralph Nader.

Greetings and compliments to you, my good sir:

I am the widow of the late Nigerian head of state, General Sani Abacha. Please wire $15,000 in U.S. funds to the bank information provided below and in two weeks’ time you will receive $150,000 for your kindly services, my goodly gentleman.

—Mrs. Maryam Abacha

Lagos

Ayman al-Zawahiri writes:

What kind of simpleton do you take me for? I sent you $15,000 last month and I never heard back.

Comments

[Frank]

Best laugh I've had all day!