From Rollertrain, a series of customer service stories from a sex video and toy store. This one is an amalgam of numerous phone calls all inquiring about how the customer might buy or rent Jenna Jameson:
Customer: Is she available this week/end? I'd like her here on a week/end night, because my wife/husband will be out of town/ready to have that threesome we've been negotiating.
Hez [customer service rep]: Sir/Ma'am, I want to make sure you understand that you'll be ordering an ultra-realistic toy.
Customer: I don't want a toy! I have toys.
Hez: Sir/Ma'am, you will not be receiving an actual person with this order. The item number you're ordering is for an ultra-realistic toy.
Customer: It says on the picture that I can get her for a hundred and seventy-nine dollars.
Hez: I understand, sir/ma'am. But if you could take a moment and look at the ad, you will understand that the ad is for an ultra-realistic TOY.
Customer: I'm not talking about a toy, son.
Hez: I understand that, sir/ma'am. What I'm saying to you is that, regardless of the photograph you're referring to, this is for a TOY. This is not an advertisement for the actual Jenna Jameson.
Customer: THIS SAYS I CAN GET A RATE OF A HUNDRED AND SEVENTY NINE DOLLARS FOR HER. I'M TALKING ABOUT JENNA JAMESON.
Hez: I'm talking about a slab of rubber about the size of a Thanksgiving ham.
I also like the one where he asks, "Sir, are you calling me a fag and ordering a tranny video at the same time?"
In related news, we went out to the Khyber on Wednesday night for $2 Sparks at the upstairs bar, and there was a woman there whose job it is to give away cigarettes to hipsters. I begged her to tell me how I could get this job, but she said you had to know someone. I would love to encourage snotty kids with bad tattoos to smoke more. Lung cancer is the new black.
re: handing out the butts
She works for a marketing firm. A friend of mine does it as well. They have to be carefully trained on how to give away smokes because of all the tobacco litigation and regulation. That's probably why she was being cagey. Either that, or she thought you were a creep.
As far as the hipster recipients/future cancer patients go, Darwinism in action.
Posted by: shpx.ohfu | August 12, 2005 at 04:04 PM
I love Rollertrain.
Posted by: Matt | August 12, 2005 at 05:22 PM