Arf, Arf

I don't want to see Ron Jeremy under the best of circumstances.  I certainly don't want to see him on my cell phone.  But he's bringing adult content to your mobile device now - "video clips, wallpapers, groan tones, chat and more...."  Groan tones?  Ew.

Excuse me, but fat ugly hairy men aside, who the hell needs porn on their phone?  I mean, I am as perverted as the next, uh, pervert, and even I don't need 24/7 access to hot whoever-on-whatever action.  Who does??  Okay, if you don't have a computer with internet access, maybe there is utility there.  Or if you, for whatever reason, need to see Teagan Presley bouncing up and down in order to get hard/wet, then go ahead, I say.  Otherwise, WTF?  Are you planning on jacking off in the bathroom at work every day?

A related weird thing: porn on DVD players in cars.  We were driving around a little while back and the guy next to us at the light had a DVD player in his dash.  That's bad enough, but he was watching a video of a woman on her knees on a bed wiggling her ass at the camera.  It was so big - the DVD player and the ass - that we could see it clearly from our car.  So not just porn - bad porn.  Other people have told me that driving down the Pennsylvania Turnpike in the morning, as part of a regular commute, porn on car DVD players is commonplace. 

What's the point of this?  If you're a guy, you can't very well jerk off in your car.  (I know enough women who have, but it's not the same - less mess, and women can do two things at once, unlike men.)  Is it simply, "Oh, look at me, I'm so bad I watch porn videos in public"?  Must be.  It's the same kind of thing as whipping your cock out in order to shock someone - a form of visual assault.  And it's disturbingly unsexual, too - just like the guys who hang out their car windows and yell at women, they're not doing it in order to get laid.  Instead, it's all about the aggression.

(Jeremy link via Engadget.)

Comments

[Emma Goldman]

What're some examples of good porn? Yeah, I know everyone's tastes differ somewhat (probably even a lot), but I'm curious. Not that I've seen all that damned much, but I find a lot of it to be pretty boring.

[iocaste]

Maybe you'd prefer to be in Virginia: http://www.americancityandcounty.com/news/virginia_general_assembly_sex/

[iocaste]

That URL didn't come through - it ends with "sex," not "s." But basically mentions that Va was contemplating a bill to ban porn while driving.

[Mithras]

Well, you're right - tastes differ, and I don't even know if I can define what I think is good. I think it's a mix of sincerity - I want to see people who look like they're actually enjoying themselves - good production values, and an absence of cliches. But I hope we can all agree that close-up shots of asses grinding for minutes on end are Bad.

Maybe we can't.

[Mithras]

Iocaste-
It came through. If you highlight it, the middle column scrolls right.

I don't understand why we need a new law against watching a movie while you drive. I can't see how you can argue you're watching the road.

[Alexa]

Sitting on the train and a phone rings with his grunts. That would be funny!

[Ron Brynaert]

Bwahahahaha.
Mithras | Homepage | 03.29.05 - 11:47 am | #

You're a dick.

[Mithras]

No shit, sherlock.

[anonymous boi]

Actually, contrary to popular belief, I've been able to masturbate while driving before. And I've fingered a female passenger until orgasm after she jerked me off, all while driving.

Beat that!

[Mithras]

a.b. - Impressive. Stick or automatic?

[anonymous boi]

Stick -- In the non-perverted sense. But it happened on an interstate, not on some country backroad where I'd have to shift every two seconds. I'm not that talented.

[Emma Goldman]

Oh, we can agree; we can agree. One of the funniest scenes I've ever seen was of a guy going down on a woman--while he was wearing a backwards baseball cap. And his socks, IIRC.

Here's another thing that gets on my nerves: hairless or nearly hairless female genitalia. I realize that ripping pubic hair out by the roots is all the rage among women (not me, however--shit, I don't even shave my legs), but I think it's kind of creepy. And I always thought that Rosie O'Donnell's rant on ideals of female beauty--in "Beautiful Girls"--was a classic. "Pubic hair being so unruly and all."

[Mithras]

a.b. - okay, you sound serious. Fingering someone to orgasm I can believe; I've met women who could come if you looked at them the right way. But you're saying you came all over yourself and kept on driving? Even assuming I could keep it on the road while orgasming, ew.

Emma-
Oh my god. The hat and socks thing is hilarious. He was probably trying to conceal a bald spot, but the socks? I'd immediately have to turn it off if I saw that. The guys in porn often just need to be off-camera as much as possible.

Eh, hairlessness in porn is often creepy, whether it's male or female. Like wanting to see fake breasts, it's the manifestation of a sexuality in arrested development. In real life, I lump it in with cosmetics and "fashion" - makes no sense to me, but the women seem to feel it's important, and variety is nice.

[acm]

... the women seem to feel it's important, and variety is nice.

my impression is that such women are responding entirely to their boyfriends' expectations, derived from watching modern gynecological porn. I've never met a woman who felt the need to shave bare all on her own.

[Mithras]

I have. But that's what you'd expect her to say if she was totally brainwashed. So ....

[Emma Goldman]

I, um, know someone who shaved once--under the condition that her boyfriend at the time shave, too. So they both did, and there was some hot sex, but it was August, in Philadelphia, with no air conditioning, and, oh, the itching, it was not to be believed (or so she, um, said--as did he, for that matter).

[Mithras]

Well, I've never shaved completely, so I don't know. But I think all men should shave their balls and at least a little around the base of their dicks, or else never get oral sex again. It doesn't itch.

[Emma Goldman]

Okay, I disagree with you on that one. The SO cuts the hair short (which is just prickly, so to speak, during oral sex), he might even shave sometimes, for all I know, and I really don't like it. I don't heckle him about it--it's his hair and balls and so on, after all--but I wouldn't be unhappy if he'd just let it be. I don't find pubic hair to be unruly, no matter the genitalia it surrounds, but, apparently, I'm in a distinct minority on that one.

[Mithras]

Well, I find getting hair in one's mouth during oral sex detracts from the experience for both parties.